The Red Menace

A few days ago I went to get a routine checkup at the optometrist. The “doctor” who examined me had a thick Russian accent and a short temper. You’d think she would be a little easy going these are my eyes we are talking about. If she were to make a mistake I could end up with x-ray vision. During the pre-exam she asked me if I was Russian. I said no and she said that was odd. The thing about people with Russian accents is that anything they say sounds Russian. My last name could have been O’Donnell but coming out of her mouth I would be a card carrying member of the Communist party. 

During the actual examination she claimed that she had seem me before which for the record is never something you want to hear from what very well could have been a former KGB agent. I told her she was mistaken but then she got very upset. To be fair it wasn’t her fault. I had been seeing other optometrists on the side. She seemed to understand and continued with the exam.

It was towards the end that she tried to sell me a new brand of contact. I made it very clear that I was happy with the brand I had. She wouldn’t have it. She kept pressing me to buy her brand but I remained strong. I’ve heard of this before. In America you buy contact, in Russia contact buy you. By the end of the visit I had a new prescription, a good story and probably a blacklisting by most of Hollywood.