Peace of Mind

I recently spent north of $90 securing my AC unit in the window. This expense might seem excessive to some but my fellow neurotics recognized it as a bargain to gain some peace of mind.

Here are a few reasons why:

1 - My window faces the street
2 - I’m on the 3rd floor
3 - My AC unit weight about 50 pounds
4 - Several fault lines go through Brooklyn, probably
5 - Anything above a magnitude 4.0 would dislodge my AC unit
6 - Due to the earthquake my building would evacuate
7 - The evacuees would congregate around my building
8 - An aftershock would cause my AC unit to fall
9 - Right at the point of terminal velocity the unit would hit someone
10 - The cops would rush to the scene
11 - I would go into hiding
12 - People would demand I turn myself in
13 - I’d be captured by a tip from someone I thought was my friend
14 -  My trial would get heavy East Coast coverage
15 - My lawyer would botch the case
16 - I’d be put in prison
17 - In an effort to rehabilitate, I’d teach creative writing to my fellow inmates
18 - I’d misinterpret an inmate’s poem
19 - He shank me in the shower