Let’s get physical

I have a physical tomorrow morning and this is how I’m hoping it will go:

(Waiting room)
Nurse: Right this way Alex. So you’re here for an annual physical? And sorry we’re taking you 5 minutes early. We try to stay on schedule.
Me: Oh it’s totally fine. And yes, I’m here for my physical.
(We enter the exam room. The nurse closes the door.)
Nurse: Have a seat and get undressed.
Me: Ok.
Nurse: Let’s have sex because I’m a hot nurse and you’re a neurotic Jew. My favorite.
(We have sex. It is covered by insurance)

But this is how it will probably go:

(Waiting room)
Me: Hi. My appointment was for 9. It is 9:30. Will I be seen soon…..LaRonda?
Ms.LaRonda: Excuse me? That’s Ms. LaRonda. Can’t you read? Or are you here to have your vision checked too?
Me: Sorry. I’ll sit down.
(30 minutes later)
Ms.LaRonda: Alan?
Me: It’s Alex.
Ms.LaRonda: Right. Alan. The doctor won’t be able to make it. He can see you in 2 months. That’ll be $500. Cash or credit?
Me: Uhhh. Credit…..