Language Barrier

My friend told me that I could get with his Japanese friend easily. As a thank you I told him I had a friend he could probably get with. It was a sexual exchange program. 

I arrive at his place ready for dinner and full of little tidbits about Japan. Such as:   They have the largest population of free-range Tamagotchi animals. Also, they love Jewish guys. Hmm. One of those facts might be incorrect. Unfortunately, she was not on time. I explained to my friend that by being tardy she brought shame upon herself and her family. He did not seem to care. 

Eventuality she did arrive. She looked not quite like my fantasy. Where were the knee high socks or the short skirt? I was told this was common Japanese dress. Oh well. Our conversation got off to a pretty good start. I mention my fondness of sushi and she discussed her love of The O.C. and other crappy American shows. I’m pretty sure 9 1/2 weeks started out with the same banal conversation but then BAM! underground sewer sex.

After a while I started to notice her accent left a bit to be desired. She would start out great. She cursed at all the correct intervals and used words like “dude” and “chill”. But then I would ask her a follow up question and she would be stumped. It’s like she practiced certain conversations beforehand.

Me: Is it a long flight from Japan? (Aviation questions always get girls in the mood)

Her: Oh no bro. It was a killer flight totally rad.

Me: Oh nice. What did they serve? (Women love talking about prepackaged foods)

Her: Oh Sorry? Food? What?

I had to repeat the question about five times. By the fifth time it no longer seemed innocent. I felt like I wasn’t asking her a simple question about on flight cuisine but rather a detailed inquiry about her sexual history. Either way, I went home with neither sex nor any new gadgets.