It’s every young boys dream to be surrounded by a large group of women. It’s every man’s nightmare. As a sexually charged 9th grader I was under the assumption that a group of three or more women ultimately led to at least two of them making out. In reality it just leads to a large group of women doing nothing arousing.
I tried to remain optimistic and neglect fears about my impeding castration. That was until they ordered a second round of martinis that one of them referred to as “delish”. I knew in only a matter of sips I would be dragged into the conversation like so many husbands to a Bachelor “sneak peak”. Then it came: “Do you think I’m fat?” I couldn’t exactly tell which one asked me this. I decided to respond to the group at large. I figured I’d kill two women with one compliment, figuratively of course. “You guys are the most gorgeous (25, 30, 35?) year olds I know”. The fact that I am 21 and know pretty much no one old even to hear the “ticking clock” of fertility was beside the point.
Eventually they ordered some food to absorb the irrationally sent text messages, drunk dials and alcohol. Luckily for me this meant I’d get a lot of leftovers. No matter how small the dish I’ve never seen a women finish her meal. In the animal kingdom lionesses hunt and kill their pray yet a Caprese salad was too much for some of the gentler sex I was around. As they watched me eat many inquired as to how I ate so much yet stayed so thin? I told them of the ancient Greek practice of “exercise”. Needless to say they were memorized. So in short, I ate very well that night and for free but unfortunately we are all now on the same cycle.