Dinner Party

I went to a dinner party earlier in the week and was on beer duty which I’m pretty sure is a position in the Army. I chose to get a 12 pack of Dos Equis since I knew at some point I could make a reference to “The Most Interesting Man in the World”. After about an hour or so I did! Man: “I thought you don’t drink beer Alex”. Me: (excited) “I don’t always drink beer but when I do, I drink Dos Equis”. Score! I was so getting laid. Anyone who gets to seamlessly incorporate an awesome commercial slogan into conversation deserves some kind of action. However none came. I was dealing with a bunch of simpletons who did not realize my social excellence. Oh well. 

After we ate what my gastroenterologist later called “a bad idea” the host of the party decided to put on a record. I guess we were supposed to be impressed by her collection of vintage horrible music. “You can’t really listen to Kat Stevens unless it’s on vinyl”. Actually, you can’t really listen to Kat Stevens AT ALL. Plus everyone knows its actually Yusuf Islam now. I was challenged to put on a better album but none were present. After a short while I figured out why she liked this music so much. She was getting very high. The type of high where I get self-conscious not knowing whether my jokes are hilarious or not since she laughed at pretty much everything. 

I guess I forgot to mention the part about the women smoking. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Bong. Nothing says taco night like some weed. I declined the offer. Which never really seems like an offer but rather a “your turn” as if we were we all paid double for this sort of action so I needed to get my share. Don’t get my wrong. I can hang with the cool kids too but weed never goes my way. Last time I got high me and a cucumber tried to go down to South America to fight for the rebel cause. 

It was shortly after I realized that every doable woman was taken that I decided to leave. It’s not offensive if I say doable because I saw it on Oprah…. or Tyra….. or Springer. Maybe I didn’t get with a girl, maybe I didn’t get high but I did get a pretty bad stomach ache. Two points Alex.