I Just Started a New Job and I Fell Right Into a Hole

If you’re reading this then that means I’m dead. Damn. That’s not how I wanted my first day at Touchstone Creative to go. I didn’t choke or have a heart attack. I came in ready to start my new job and almost immediately fell into a giant hole by my desk.

I’m not sure how the hole got there.

When I came to interview 2 weeks prior I didn’t see a hole. And no one mentioned it to me when I asked about the company culture. They went on and on about their Halloween party and after-work perks. I was excited about that. But given my currently predicament, I would have loved to spend even 2 minutes on the man-sized hole by my desk.

They told me to ask for Ron when I showed up, but he was out so a woman from HR brought me to my desk. Maybe Ron knew about the hole and would have warned me?

I really shouldn’t put the blame on my new coworkers. It was probably my fault. From what I remember, I put my bag down by my desk, turned to my left, and then took a single step. That’s when I went right into the hole. Luckily, I didn’t break anything, but I did rip my new tie. I think it got snagged on a jagged rock on my way down. Not sure why there are exposed rocks. But then again, not sure why there was an unattended hole by my desk.

Some mysteries will remain unsolved.

Inside the hole it’s not too bad. It’s dark but not cold. There’s also noticeable odor, though it’s just kind of like a damp smell. All things being equal, I suppose that’s the best you can ask for from a hole by your desk. Besides, you know, it not being there.

I came to Touchstone Creative for a fresh start and a creative challenge. Who knew that would be trying to figure out ways to escape a hole. I tried climbing out, but I couldn’t get a good enough grip. I also shouted but the hole appears to be hundreds of feet down. I guess I’m through the building and deep into the earth. That’s a big hole given that this office is on the top floor of the Freedom Tower.

I know what you’re thinking: did the person who use to sit at your desk also fall into the hole? No. I looked around and there aren’t any bones. I think I’m the first one to fall down here. I hope no one thinks I’m aloof! I really pride myself on making great first impressions. I wish there were some way to tell people that I didn’t miss my first status meeting on purpose; it’s because I fell into a hole by my desk.

Well, I suppose there’s not much else to say. Tell my wife I love her and when Ron gets back see if he add an out-of-office message to my Outlook.