Cat Access

Dear Premium Members,

We are pleased to announce that with your membership you’ll now be granted trial access to our cat.

We got a cat.

She’s really cute and only 5 months old. So she’s still technically a kitten. That increases the cute value by at least double, if not more. 

What Comes With Cat Access?

You get our cat! Ha! Not really, that was just an joke. The cat is ours and will never love you the way she loves us. But, you still get great perks:

  • Pictures
  • Boops
  • Custom ringtones with her purr
  • The PawCam™
  • The ability to send over a file with your voice saying “good kitty” that we’ll play at a time of our choosing

If you decide to add on Cat Access to your existing membership, you’ll also be given VIP access to any cat-related live shows, an offer code for merch, and, of course, the joy of cat access.

OK, I’m in! But What Does It Cost?!

Before we get into the very reasonable price for access to our truly one-in-a-million cat, it’s important to understand some basics of economics. The price of an item is generally correlated to the demand for it. The higher the demand, the higher the price. Market research shows that there is very high demand for Cat Access. That’s why we are charging $39.95 a month. We would be doing a disservice to our shareholders—and all of you—if we charged any less. Plus, by giving us this very reasonable sum, we’ll be able to supply even better cat content to our loyal subscribers! Think of it as Purr-down Economics.

That’s a Reasonable Price, So How do I Sign Up?

Well, sign up will initially be limited to our influencers and anyone with an Ivy League college email address. That’s more or less what Facebook did when they started and just look at them now! Not that access to a cat is the same as a social network, but it’s not not the same, you know?

Can We See a Pic?



We agree!

I’m More of a Dog Person, Will There Ever Be Dog Access?

Maybe! We’ll also add in Bird Access, Fish Access, and Gerbil Access down the line. Though, for obvious reasons, Cat Access and Gerbil Access will not happen at the same time.

I Have No Further Questions

Ok! Thanks for the heads up!